Like this:

Anybody out there ever been to the Gaylord Opryland in Nashville, Tennessee? I have. I am. Right now. We pretend to be down here for insurance meetings with Diversified Services, but the reality is that 25% of our time is spent in meetings, while the other 75% is spent “networking”–code talk for “let’s get together and drink alcohol. So we do the required stuff, put in enough time with the rabble to not be considered reclusive, and pass the remainder of our time enjoying the area on our own.

Valerie and I left our four youngsters with my intrepid mother, who, having raised three rascals of her own, feels compelled to keep coming back for more abuse. The Natural has two basketball games during the three days we’ll be gone, so that involves a bit of running about. Pumpkin Spice and The Peanut are both running fevers–PS at about 100, TP 100 down from 104 on Saturday–which means they will probably miss school on Monday and need to be waited on hand and foot. The Octopus is obsessed with guns and shooting deer, while at the same time readily admitting that he is afraid of deer and bears. He never wants me to drive south down our gravel road, preferring to go the longer route because he once saw three deer while traveling down the gravel road at night. We received a text message this evening less than eight hours after we left home that Mom was already irritated by the constant chatter about guns. Clearly, he has abolutely no idea what he’s talking about, but he can parrot with the best of them. Hang in there, Bonnie…this too shall pass (and I’m talking about his childhood; he’s our last one, so we’re choosing to enjoy pretty much every minute of it).

Back to my original question, the title of this little entry. This hotel is beyond the scope of anything that could be considered reasonable. Upon leaving the registration center, one enters an atrium area that includes ponds, waterfalls, four restaurants , 15 boutique shops, and walkways galore. The hotel then branches off into four wings, each of which has hundreds of rooms surrounding slightly smaller atriums, shops, and restaurants. As we were wandering about after supper, attempting to find the proper elevator area, we were amused to hear pretty much everyone else in the same state of confusion. We are in the Delta wing, and our atrium has a river running through it large enough that one can take a boat tour for $16/person, offered each evening. Tomorrow, hopefully, we are going to make a run to Wal-Mart to buy bread, which will give us enough courage to explore the other three wings while leaving a trail of crumbs like Hansel and Gretel. Either that, or I need to run out a string behind me like a dadgum spelunker.

I asked my Hot Wife a question tonight…sort of one of those questions that deserves to be asked, but for which there is no satisfying answer: “How big were the guy’s stones who built this place?” Using my vast repertoire of experience in big-time commercial construction, I would conservatively estimate that is a billion dollar place. Anybody that has enough guts to walk into a bank and ask to borrow the gross national product of most of northern Africa has my respect!

Interesting place…should be an invigorating three days. More later?